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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Toddler That Hits
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