Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Toddler Without Hitting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.