Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline Child With ODD
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.How To Discipline Child With ODD
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Discipline Child With ODD
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development How To Discipline Child With ODD
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Discipline Child With ODD
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want How To Discipline Child With ODD
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline Child With ODD
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline Child With ODD
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … How To Discipline Child With ODD
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. How To Discipline Child With ODD
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline Child With ODD
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Discipline Child With ODD
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? How To Discipline Child With ODD
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline Child With ODD
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. How To Discipline Child With ODD
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.