Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline My Child For Bad Behavior
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.