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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline My Child For Bullying Siblings
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.