How To Discipline Strong Willed Child – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Discipline Strong Willed Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they want How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion beneath it

• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

How can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline Strong Willed Child

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Discipline Strong Willed Child


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