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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we should want to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Discipline Your Child In A Positive Way
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