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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Eat Healthy As A Picky Eater
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.