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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy child development How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Hitting
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