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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we need to agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Get A Toddler To Stop Whining
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