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When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. How To Get My Child To Listen
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How To Get My Child To Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Get My Child To Listen
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Get My Child To Listen
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Get My Child To Listen
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want How To Get My Child To Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Get My Child To Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Get My Child To Listen
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … How To Get My Child To Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How To Get My Child To Listen
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Get My Child To Listen
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Get My Child To Listen
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Get My Child To Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Get My Child To Listen
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. How To Get My Child To Listen
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