How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting – How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children whatever they want How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces better lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to become the mama or father you’ve always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

However we can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it

• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

How can you become a positive parent? How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Get My Kids To Stop Fighting


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