Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How To Get Toddler To Stop Whining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.