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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Get Toddlers To Listen
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Get Toddlers To Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Get Toddlers To Listen
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Get Toddlers To Listen
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Get Toddlers To Listen
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want How To Get Toddlers To Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Get Toddlers To Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Get Toddlers To Listen
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … How To Get Toddlers To Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. How To Get Toddlers To Listen
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Get Toddlers To Listen
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How To Get Toddlers To Listen
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Get Toddlers To Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Get Toddlers To Listen
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Get Toddlers To Listen
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