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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling under it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Get Your Child To Stop Hitting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.