How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they want How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields better lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or father you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it

• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Get Your Teenager To Pick Up After Themselves


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