Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Habdle Parent Pick Up With Your Child When They Refuse To Leave
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.