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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy child development How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we should agree to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Handle A Gifted Child With Discipline Problem
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.