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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Improve Behaviour
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Improve Behaviour
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Improve Behaviour
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development How To Improve Behaviour
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Improve Behaviour
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want How To Improve Behaviour
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Improve Behaviour
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Improve Behaviour
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … How To Improve Behaviour
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. How To Improve Behaviour
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Improve Behaviour
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How To Improve Behaviour
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? How To Improve Behaviour
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Improve Behaviour
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Improve Behaviour
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.