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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. How To Limit Screen Time
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Limit Screen Time
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Limit Screen Time
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Limit Screen Time
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Limit Screen Time
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for How To Limit Screen Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Limit Screen Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Limit Screen Time
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … How To Limit Screen Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. How To Limit Screen Time
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Limit Screen Time
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Limit Screen Time
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Limit Screen Time
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Limit Screen Time
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. How To Limit Screen Time
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.