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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Make A Child Like You
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Make A Child Like You
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Make A Child Like You
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development How To Make A Child Like You
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Make A Child Like You
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want How To Make A Child Like You
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Make A Child Like You
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Make A Child Like You
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion under it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … How To Make A Child Like You
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. How To Make A Child Like You
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Make A Child Like You
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? How To Make A Child Like You
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Make A Child Like You
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Make A Child Like You
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Make A Child Like You
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.