Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Make A Child Listen
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Make A Child Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Make A Child Listen
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Make A Child Listen
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Make A Child Listen
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want How To Make A Child Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Make A Child Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Make A Child Listen
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … How To Make A Child Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. How To Make A Child Listen
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Make A Child Listen
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Make A Child Listen
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Make A Child Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Make A Child Listen
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Make A Child Listen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.