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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. How To Make Kids Listen
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How To Make Kids Listen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Make Kids Listen
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development How To Make Kids Listen
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Make Kids Listen
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want How To Make Kids Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Make Kids Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Make Kids Listen
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … How To Make Kids Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. How To Make Kids Listen
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Make Kids Listen
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Make Kids Listen
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Make Kids Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Make Kids Listen
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Make Kids Listen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.