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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Motivate Teens
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Motivate Teens
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Motivate Teens
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development How To Motivate Teens
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Motivate Teens
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want How To Motivate Teens
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Motivate Teens
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and extra common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Motivate Teens
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … How To Motivate Teens
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. How To Motivate Teens
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Motivate Teens
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Motivate Teens
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Motivate Teens
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Motivate Teens
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Motivate Teens
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.