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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Not Be A Picky Eater
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Not Be A Picky Eater
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Not Be A Picky Eater
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Not Be A Picky Eater
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Not Be A Picky Eater
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for How To Not Be A Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Not Be A Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Not Be A Picky Eater
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … How To Not Be A Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. How To Not Be A Picky Eater
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Not Be A Picky Eater
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Not Be A Picky Eater
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? How To Not Be A Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Not Be A Picky Eater
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Not Be A Picky Eater
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.