How To Not Raise A Picky Eater – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Not Raise A Picky Eater
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children everything they want How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always generates far better lasting results than harsh control.

Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-control

• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her full potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can get a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it

• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So just how can you become a positive parent? How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Not Raise A Picky Eater

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Not Raise A Picky Eater


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