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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Practice Positive Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Practice Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Practice Positive Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development How To Practice Positive Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Practice Positive Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want How To Practice Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Practice Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (as well as much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Practice Positive Parenting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … How To Practice Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. How To Practice Positive Parenting
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Practice Positive Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Practice Positive Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Practice Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Practice Positive Parenting
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Practice Positive Parenting
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