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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Promote Positive Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.How To Promote Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Promote Positive Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development How To Promote Positive Parenting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Promote Positive Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Promote Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Promote Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Promote Positive Parenting
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … How To Promote Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. How To Promote Positive Parenting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Promote Positive Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Promote Positive Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Promote Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Promote Positive Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How To Promote Positive Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.