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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy child development How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Punish A Child For Hitting At School
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