How To Punish A Child – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Punish A Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Punish A Child

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Punish A Child

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Punish A Child

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Punish A Child

How To Punish A Child

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Punish A Child

Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they want How To Punish A Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Punish A Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to become the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can progress a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Punish A Child

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it

• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … How To Punish A Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Punish A Child

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Punish A Child

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Punish A Child

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

How can you come to be a positive parent? How To Punish A Child

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Punish A Child

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Punish A Child


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