Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Punish A Kid For Lying
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Punish A Kid For Lying
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Punish A Kid For Lying
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development How To Punish A Kid For Lying
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Punish A Kid For Lying
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for How To Punish A Kid For Lying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Punish A Kid For Lying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Punish A Kid For Lying
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … How To Punish A Kid For Lying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. How To Punish A Kid For Lying
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Punish A Kid For Lying
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How To Punish A Kid For Lying
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Punish A Kid For Lying
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Punish A Kid For Lying
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. How To Punish A Kid For Lying
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.