How To Punish Children – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Punish Children
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Punish Children

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Punish Children

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Punish Children

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting method.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development How To Punish Children

How To Punish Children

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Punish Children

First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they want How To Punish Children

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Punish Children

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Punish Children

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it

• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … How To Punish Children

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. How To Punish Children

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Punish Children

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Punish Children

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Punish Children

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Punish Children

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Punish Children


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