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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Punish Kids
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Punish Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Punish Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development How To Punish Kids
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Punish Kids
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for How To Punish Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Punish Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Punish Kids
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … How To Punish Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. How To Punish Kids
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Punish Kids
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How To Punish Kids
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Punish Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Punish Kids
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Punish Kids
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