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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Raise More Grateful Children
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.How To Raise More Grateful Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Raise More Grateful Children
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development How To Raise More Grateful Children
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Raise More Grateful Children
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want How To Raise More Grateful Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Raise More Grateful Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Raise More Grateful Children
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How To Raise More Grateful Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Raise More Grateful Children
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Raise More Grateful Children
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Raise More Grateful Children
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Raise More Grateful Children
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Raise More Grateful Children
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. How To Raise More Grateful Children
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.