Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Redirect A Child Bad Behavior
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.