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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Stop 6 Year Old From Whining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.