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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. How To Stop A Child From Stealing
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Stop A Child From Stealing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Stop A Child From Stealing
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development How To Stop A Child From Stealing
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Stop A Child From Stealing
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want How To Stop A Child From Stealing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Stop A Child From Stealing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Stop A Child From Stealing
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … How To Stop A Child From Stealing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. How To Stop A Child From Stealing
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Stop A Child From Stealing
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Stop A Child From Stealing
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Stop A Child From Stealing
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Stop A Child From Stealing
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. How To Stop A Child From Stealing
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.