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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. How To Stop A Toddler From Hitting
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