How To Stop Back Talk – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

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How To Stop Back Talk
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Stop Back Talk

There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Stop Back Talk

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Stop Back Talk

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Stop Back Talk

How To Stop Back Talk

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Stop Back Talk

Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Stop Back Talk

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. How To Stop Back Talk

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mama or father you’ve always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Stop Back Talk

For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling underneath it

• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … How To Stop Back Talk

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Stop Back Talk

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Stop Back Talk

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Stop Back Talk

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Stop Back Talk

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Stop Back Talk

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Stop Back Talk


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