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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting Me
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