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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How To Stop My Toddler From Whining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.