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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Stop Saying Bad Words
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.How To Stop Saying Bad Words
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Stop Saying Bad Words
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Stop Saying Bad Words
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Stop Saying Bad Words
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Stop Saying Bad Words
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Stop Saying Bad Words
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Stop Saying Bad Words
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … How To Stop Saying Bad Words
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. How To Stop Saying Bad Words
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Stop Saying Bad Words
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Stop Saying Bad Words
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Stop Saying Bad Words
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Stop Saying Bad Words
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Stop Saying Bad Words
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.