Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Stop Sibling Bickering
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How To Stop Sibling Bickering
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How To Stop Sibling Bickering
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development How To Stop Sibling Bickering
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Stop Sibling Bickering
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for How To Stop Sibling Bickering
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Stop Sibling Bickering
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Stop Sibling Bickering
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … How To Stop Sibling Bickering
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. How To Stop Sibling Bickering
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Stop Sibling Bickering
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Stop Sibling Bickering
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Stop Sibling Bickering
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Stop Sibling Bickering
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. How To Stop Sibling Bickering
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.