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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Stop Siblings From Fighting All The Time
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.