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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to give first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How To Stop Toddler Tantrums And Whining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.