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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Stop Using Foul Language
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Stop Using Foul Language
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How To Stop Using Foul Language
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development How To Stop Using Foul Language
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Stop Using Foul Language
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want How To Stop Using Foul Language
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Stop Using Foul Language
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Stop Using Foul Language
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … How To Stop Using Foul Language
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How To Stop Using Foul Language
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Stop Using Foul Language
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? How To Stop Using Foul Language
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Stop Using Foul Language
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Stop Using Foul Language
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Stop Using Foul Language
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