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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we have to agree to offer first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Teach Kids Not To Lie
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.