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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we should want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. How To Teach Toddler Not To Hit
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.