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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or father you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion under it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we have to want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Tell Your Child There Is No Tooth Fairy
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.