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When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main emotion below it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Use Positive Discipline In The Classroom
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.